The Kids Aren't Alright
by Angel Spirit
Summary: While staying at Bobby's after their fathers sudden death, Dean and Sam realize that secrets that have been kept are meant to be spilled and promises made can be broken as they try to repair the rift that grows between them Written for Sendintheclowns
1. The Kids Aren't Alright pt I

Title: The Kids Aren't Alright

Author: Angel Spirit

Rating: PG13 (mostly T but M if you don't want to read the light swearing)

Warnings: Sheer angst…slight swearing but nothing too horrible (mostly on Dean's part…*grins*)

Disclaimer: Sam and Dean and the wonderful plot that is Supernatural belongs to Kripke…I'm only borrowing them for the sheer fun of writing this fic and promise to give them back in their original conditions in which I borrowed them when I'm finished…(despite the fact that I wish they were mine to keep!)

**Recipient:** SendInTheClowns

Word Count: 14603

Author's Note: (Hides behind Sam and Dean from sheer nerves) my first SPN fic…eeep! It was written for the Summer of Sam Love 09' that is going on over at the LJ community...and I'll admit, that I'm nervous…I'm hoping that my nerves haven't gotten the best of me in writing this fic for Send In The Clowns as she was the one that I was chosen to write for. Much thanks to you for encouraging me to write again and I hope that this lives up to your expectations! It was fun to write again, and I _dare_ say that I've actually thought of another plot while I was working on this…I'm glad that I was able to write a fic for Send In The Clowns after having read and enjoyed all the wonderful fics that she has written. And since I know you have a thing for the IMTOD/ELAC time frame (and I will admit to loving that part of season 02 also)…well…I think you can guess which prompt that I chose! It's posted in two parts, since after going through it I believed that it would be too long to post as one whole fic and that splitting it in half would make it easier to read.

**  
Prompt:** Something post IMTOD, oh, say...around ELAC? Maybe Sam signed himself out of the hospital Against Medical Advice because someone had to look after his dad and Dean. I want to see someone else's take on Sam's struggle to hold himself together (both mentally and physically) while his brother is grieving the death of John Winchester and those famous last words.

Summary: While staying at Bobby's after their father's sudden death, Sam and Dean come to grips with everything that's happened to them…and Dean realizes that secrets that have been kept are meant to be spilled, and promises made can be broken…despite everything, can the boys figure out a way to repair their brotherly bond before the guilt eats away at them both?

**The Kids Aren't Alright**

**Author: Angel Spirit **

**Part I **

It was the headache that had originally made him to up to the guest room that Dean had been using while they'd been staying at Bobby's…a headache that, even with the help of a couple of Advil tablets to help relieve the pain, had still turned into a full blown migraine. The only thing that Sam was grateful for was the fact that it at least wasn't caused by a vision.

He really didn't think that he could tolerate having a vision right now…there were too many other things on his mind…like how to get Dean talking to him again. The fact that Dean had pretty much shut Sam out of his life since they'd gotten to Bobby's place hadn't really settled well with him-it _hurt_, and felt like a part of him was missing. Sam hadn't realized just how close of a relationship he'd formed with his brother since they've started travelling together, but now that they were living under the same roof with Dean ignoring him…it made it feel like they were miles apart.

Sam groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm the throbbing pain that he felt there. The lights bothered him, _sound_ bothered, him…_everything_ bothered him. But the headache wasn't the worst part of it, no…his whole _body_ ached, and Sam felt weighed down. In all honesty, he'd felt weighed down since they'd left the hospital a couple of weeks ago, and he'd promised his doctor when he'd signed out AMA that he'd take his medication, rest, and take it easy. But the resting and taking it easy part hadn't come around as often as Sam would like…even though he knew Bobby had been keeping an eye on him and occasionally making the suggestion to Sam that he take a nap when Sam got tired, Sam would most often evade the extra rest to keep a quiet eye on his silent brother while he was out in the yard working on the Impala…thinking of different opportunities to talk to him, to try and get him to open up instead of keeping everything bottled up inside. That and he'd also been helping Bobby with the new puppy that he'd gotten…Sam was sure that Bobby had asked him to help out with the pup to help distract him from his worries.

Sometimes it helped…and sometimes it didn't. Sometimes, Sam just _wished_ that he had the courage to _really_ face Dean and get it all done and over with, even if it meant facing Dean's wrath. But he knew he couldn't…while they'd hunted everything big and bad that was the Supernatural, from ghosts to the Boogeyman, Sam couldn't even find the courage it took to face down his brother and tell him that everything was _not_ okay. He hadn't even told him that he'd signed out AMA yet…and he'd promised Bobby that he would. But since day one when Dean had closed the door to the guest room right in front of his face, only to open it at Sam's pleads to chuck out his duffel bag (that had hit him square in the chest and had caused him more pain than Sam had cared to admit at the time) Sam knew that it would be a matter of time before Dean was even willing to _talk_…much less look him in the eye.

Sam supposed it was why he was probably seeking comfort in the one place that he knew he _shouldn't_, but at the same time, he knew that it would probably _help_ him more than _hurt_ him. Because Dean had always been there for him when he'd been hurting…and he wasn't here _now_…hadn't really been there for awhile now.

And if Dean wouldn't come to Sam, then Sam figured he'd just have to go to Dean…whether Dean wanted it or not. Because as much as Sam hated to admit it, he honestly didn't think that he could deal with this all by himself anymore. As much as Sam wanted to admit that he _didn't_ need his older brother anymore, he _wanted_…no, he _needed_ his older brother now more than ever before.

The youngest Winchester whimpered slightly as he felt the pain flare for a minute as he fell gently on top of the bed that Dean had been sleeping in since Bobby had taken them to his place for a little R&R. Except that it really hadn't felt much like R&R at all…at least, not to Sam…maybe to Dean it had…but then again Sam didn't know, since Dean wasn't speaking to him at the moment.

Again, another whimper of pain escaped from Sam and he curled up on top of the covers and all but buried his head into Dean's pillow. Just the _smell_ of Dean…of leather, oil and grease from having worked on the Impala almost everyday since they'd gotten there, earth from all the graves they'd had to dig up so far, and gun powder from their weapons that they cleaned out and loaded on a regular basis…filled his nostrils and while Sam thought that the smell would aggravate his head even further, it was the exact opposite. It helped soothe and relief him…but just slightly…Sam winced as his head pounded again and he tried to loose himself in the pillow, shutting out all light and sound…

~*~*~*~

"Sam…dinner!" A patient man Bobby Singer was normally _not_. But he'd had to learn patience the past several days while having the Winchester boys stay with him…hoping to give them a place to rest and heal after the car accident and loosing their daddy. It seemed as though bad luck ran with the boys lately, and Bobby had only hoped that by letting them stay for as long as was necessary would help them out and get them back on track.

It hadn't been easy though, as Bobby had found out. Because shortly after getting there, Dean seemed to be giving Sam the cold shoulder…and of course, Bobby knew that with Dean being the stubborn ass he could be (a trait that Bobby knew for a fact he had picked up from the legendary John Winchester himself) hadn't even thought _twice_ that his younger brother was clearly _not_ okay.

While Dean wasn't keen on showing much emotion after their father's death, Sam was just the exact opposite. And Bobby knew something that Dean _didn't_ know…and that was that Sam had signed himself AMA from the hospital they'd been treated at. He'd done it all before Bobby had even arrived…and Bobby had made Sam promise to tell Dean. He didn't want to be feeling Dean's wrath if something happened to his younger brother without him knowing that Sam hadn't even really let himself be treated for whatever injuries he'd gotten from the accident.

Bobby was no medic, but he knew that Sam had to be hurting…while Dean was somehow miraculously healed after everything that had happened despite his close brush with death, Sam still had plenty of recuperating to do. He still bore bruises on his face (though Sam had insisted that that was from a fight a few days before the crash had happened) and cuts around his eye. He was still pretty pale, and Bobby suspected that Sam's ribs were probably bothering him from how stiffly he moved around his place these days, and Bobby didn't miss the fact that Sam took pain killers on a regular basis…nor did he miss Sam's pained expressions and how he'd rub his forehead every now and then as though he had a massive headache. Bobby knew that Sam had meds that he had to take…he seriously hoped that Sam was actually _taking_ them. He knew that he wasn't resting the way the doctor had said that he _should_.

Sam hadn't known that the pretty nurse who had helped Sam out had 'accidentally' run into Bobby shortly after he'd gotten them and had 'hinted' at some of the things that Sam's doctor had told him. Bobby had promised that he'd make sure that Sam would take care of himself…the girl had been pretty, and Bobby had wondered briefly if Sam hadn't been as traumatized as he was, if he'd have taken an interest in the nurse who had helped him out more than he would know.

And at the moment, Bobby was trying to keep his damned promise. It had been tough getting Sam-_and_ Dean-to eat on a regular basis, sometimes Bobby had to force them out of whatever activity they were up to (for Dean it was usually working on the Impala, it seemed as though Dean was like the energizer bunny when it came to that car, not like Bobby could blame him) and come eat whatever was on the menu…tonight it was his chili, and even though he knew he made it a little spicier than most people did he _also_ knew that it was a great comfort food and a favorite of both boys.

"SAM!" Again, Bobby found himself calling the youngest Winchesters name, knowing that Sam had gone upstairs for something. He'd seen him move in that direction a short while ago…and had wondered what Sam had been up too, but hadn't said anything. Shaking his head and deciding to give Sam a few minutes-hoping that maybe he'd fallen asleep somewhere and was waking up and only taking his sweet time to come down-Bobby decided to tackle Dean.

Quickly glancing around the entryway to make sure that PJ-the new Rottweiler puppy that he'd picked up before the Winchesters had come to stay-wouldn't escape out into the yard (or else Bobby knew he'd have a hell of a time getting him back into the house and he really didn't want to have _that_ merry chase at the moment) Bobby undid the latch on the screen door and headed out into the warm late summer air. Squinting at the fading sun, Bobby sighed at the sight that lay out before him.

Dean was still under the Impala, his feet sticking out from underneath it as he continued to work on bringing his 'baby' back to life.

"Dean…dinner!" Usually it wasn't Bobby who would try and get Dean to eat…most of the time that was Sam's job, as Sam had taken it upon himself to annoy his older brother as much as possible to make sure that he was 'taking care of himself'. Sam's words…not Dean's…so when he heard Bobby calling him, he frowned slightly as he wiped grease off of his forehead that had somehow managed to find its way there, and rolled out from underneath the Impala.

Taking a minute to get his bearings, Dean sat up slowly and just gave Bobby a look that didn't need an explanation at all. Bobby sighed and shook his head…for Sam to think that Dean _didn't_ care, if he had seen Dean's look just about then he would've thought otherwise. That look said it all…and all Bobby could do was shrug.

"I think he's in the house somewhere, I called him down for dinner and he didn't respond…I figured maybe he's either wrapped up in a book or fallen asleep somewhere comfy-why don't you go and check on him?" The older hunter asked this as Dean grabbed the rag off of the front porch railing that he had left there earlier and wiped his dirty, grease-stained hands on them.

When Dean looked like he was about to refuse and come up with a better plan, Bobby only shook his head and pointed him in the direction of the upstairs.

He'd had enough…they'd been here for at least a couple of weeks, and he was getting tired of playing the game of 'Bobby in the middle'…the boys were adults, and like adults they could talk and figure things out between the two of them even if they were going through tough times.

"Boy, don't make me give you a good swift kick in the ass…have you _really_ looked at your brother these days?" Before Dean could open his mouth to respond, Bobby was already shaking his head at the words that he knew would already come out.

"No…I meant _really_ looked at him Dean. Not just the brush off you've been giving him…you know he's like you-he's not immortal-do you really think that he escaped that car crash you were both in without any injuries that needed attention?" Bobby's reprimand-as small as it was-caused Dean to flinch, and he knew that it was more from the tone of Bobby's voice than anything else that got to him.

He knew that he hadn't necessarily been given Sam the attention that he usually gave his younger brother, but _damnit_…he was _angry_. And it wasn't like he was angry at Sam…but he knew even though he kept on telling himself, Dean _knew_ that he _was_ a little angry at Sam. But mostly, he was angry at their father…and he just didn't know how to voice it, in fact, Dean was pretty sure that he didn't _want_ to voice it. He wanted to stew in his own anger for as long as possible…

It was why he was working on the Impala so much. It gave him time to think, time to be lost in his own little world and think 'what if's' and 'could haves'…he didn't _want_ to talk to Sam. He _especially_ didn't want to talk to Sam about the last words that their father had told him. _That_, was out of the question…it would _break_ Sam to hear those words, and Dean didn't think that he had the guts enough to do what their father wanted him to do…if he _had_ to.

He'd protect Sam with everything he had…and he'd _save him_…the rest of it was out of the question. He'd come to the decision long ago, and there would be no changing his mind. Despite the fact that Sam had one hell of a freakish mind with his visions and whatnot, he was still his brother.

And _that_ would _always_ come first. Dean almost smirked…whether Bobby had meant to do it or not, he'd reminded Dean that he hadn't quite been doing his job of being the older brother. And while Dean _was_ still angry…that didn't mean that he couldn't check up on Sam every now and then, instead of completely checking _out_ on him like he'd been doing.

"Which way did he go Bobby?" Dean finally murmured, and Bobby sighed in slight relief as he took the now dirty rag from Dean's hands and gestured up the stairs.

"I think I saw him head somewhere up there…you should look around there before looking around here, I doubt he had enough time to sneak back downstairs but I could be wrong…" Nodding at Bobby's suggestion, Dean headed up the stairs…using his big brother intuition to tell him where Sam was.

And something told Dean that Sam was in the guest bedroom that he'd been using.

Suddenly Dean felt slightly guilty…he'd shut Sam out of the guest bedroom when they'd first gotten there, meaning that Sam had the couch most of the time…and from what Bobby had said the couch couldn't have been all that great of a place to sleep.

While Dean staved off a new type of anger that was starting to boil inside, he was determined to hold it back until he'd gotten a chance to _really_ look Sam over. If Sam was really injured from the accident like Bobby said he was Dean knew he wasn't going to be too happy to have found out from Bobby instead of Sam himself.

_But when have you let Sam talk more than a sentence or two to you without brushing you off….? _A small voice whispered in the back of his head, and Dean shoved it away-knowing that right now he had far more important issues that he had to deal with.

The door to the guest bedroom was open, and Dean didn't need to look twice to find that his instincts had been more than correct-Sam _was_ there…and more importantly Sam was lying on top of _his_ bed…his head buried as deeply into Dean's pillow as it would go, and concern spiked through Dean as he moved slowly towards his younger brother so that he wouldn't startle him.

This was normally the position that Sam took when he had a killer migraine…Dean had gotten used to seeing it after the many visions that Sam had had in the past several months, and Dean only hoped that Sam hadn't had one _now_. The last thing they needed, was one of Sam's visions-there was no way they were ready to take on a hunt.

"Sam?" He made sure that his voice was gentle, soft…no sense in scaring his younger brother into thinking that he'd come up here to yell at him. And suddenly, Dean felt weary…when was the last time they had actually spoken to each other without using heated words, or Dean brushing Sam away as he went to work out all his troubles on the Impala?

Things had gotten way out of control…and Dean was sad to have to admit it…especially since it really wasn't Sam's fault. No…this time, the fault all lay on his shoulders. Sam had wanted to talk-Dean hadn't.

"Sam? C'mon Sam, Bobby says that he's got dinner ready to go…time to eat little brother." Dean murmured reaching out a hand to gently touch his younger brother's shoulder, not missing the flinch as Sam tried to move _away_ from him.

How in the hell had Dean let things get so badly between the two of them?

Sighing, Dean knelt down so that he was more at Sam's height, and reached out to see if he could turn Sam over so that he could get a good look at him.

But Sam seemed to bunch up on him, his muscles bunching together so that he couldn't be moved and Dean muttered a low curse, already starting to feel frustration building.

But that was all it took for him to _know_ that there was probably more than a migraine that was troubling his brother, and _now_ Dean needed to know exactly what was wrong with him.

"Sam, come on…I'm not fooling around now…I _know_ you at least have a migraine. I need you to tell me what else is wrong." Dean insisted, and when he got a mumbled response, he sighed and rubbed a hand across his face.

"C'mon Sammy, I can't understand it when you speak mumble…what's _wrong_?" This time, Dean heard Sam's answer a little more clearly, because Sam had only just _barely_ managed to turn his head away from the pillow.

"You're asking me what's wrong_ now_…when you've been avoiding me since we got here…." Sam asked, his voice coming out in pained gasps, and Dean flinched as he knew that Sam had hit him without even touching him. Sometimes the right words were all that was needed…and Sam sure had a way with them.

Now Dean really didn't know _what_ to say…because Sam was _right_. And looking at Sam's face as it peered out from the pillow, Dean sighed.

His kid brother looked like hell…there were dark circles starting to form under his eyes, and Dean was wondering how much sleep the kid was _really_ getting…he suddenly had no doubt that the nightmares were back and causing Sam grief. On top of that, Sam's face was still healing from the bruises that he'd gotten from when the one demon had nearly pounded his head into the cement not so long ago, and there were still cuts around his right eye from where Dean suspected glass had probably scraped him up from the accident.

He wondered what else Sam was hiding…as he remembered that _Sam_ had been the one driving…and that they'd been sidelined by not a usual ordinary car on the road but a huge semi truck. At least that's what he'd heard anyway.

Dean muttered a low curse, wondering why it had taken him so long to realize that Sam was hurting more than he let on.

But then again, the kid was always really good at keeping injuries a secret-and he'd only learned _that_ from the best as Dean remembered that in the past when they were younger that he had been the one to start off the tradition. He'd hide injuries from one hunt so that he could go with their father on the other…

"Sam…" The older Winchester let his voice trail off, not quite knowing what to say. Sam looked like he was going to reply, but only managed a low groan as he felt the migraine attack him once more and buried his head in the pillow again, trying to block out the stabbing pain happening in between his eyes.

It made him want to be _sick_…and he _still_ didn't comprehend exactly what it was that Dean was doing here when lately he seemed to want nothing to do with him in the first place.

"Hang on Sammy…I'll be right back, okay? We'll fix this somehow…I promise." Dean's voice was a gentle reassurance despite the fact that Sam knew that Dean was probably still angry at many things-and some of that anger was even directed at _him_ these days.

But Sam couldn't help the little sigh that escaped him after Dean had left the room for a moment when he'd realized that his older brother had called him _Sammy_. In all honesty, Sam couldn't remember the last time that Dean had called him that…it had definitely been awhile.

Groaning and burying his head in the pillow as far as it would go, Sam fought off the nausea…knowing that it wouldn't do him any good to hurl right now as it would only cause pain to his tender, still healing ribs. He only hoped that when Dean came back, that he would bring some painkillers with him.

_I should tell him about the meds…_Sam thought briefly, knowing that Dean _needed_ to know. He'd been trying to tell Dean about them for several days now, but every time he did Dean would brush him off, no doubt thinking that Sam would bring up some kind of chick flick moment for them to talk about what happened with their dad's death…

And while Sam _did_ want to talk about it, he was also learning that Dean wanted his space too. Even though space wasn't what Sam wanted at the moment, he was trying his hardest to give Dean what he wanted. But being as injured as he was, and with all the nightmares that he'd been having as well, Sam knew that space wasn't _exactly_ what he needed right now.

He needed comfort…he needed someone to _understand_…and he _needed_ his big brother…

Sam only hoped that like all the other times before, that Dean would come through for him once again and wouldn't be _too_ upset at the fact that he hadn't really told him how badly off he _really_ was.

As Dean left, Sam managed to doze off into a light sleep…and _remembered_…

~*~*~*~

_He heard the helicopters before he managed to open his eyes. The light was blinding and he groaned as he immediately closed his eyes again…but someone must've heard him, because he heard a somewhat gentle voice calling out to him. _

"_Hey…you awake there?" The voice was female, and Sam found that even though the voice was trying to sound comforting, he really didn't want to be awake. He hurt…every single muscle in his body felt like it was bruised and torn, and his head was pounding…it wasn't all that fun to breathe either, Sam discovered this when he tried to take a breath…and somehow in the process of exhaling, a low whimper came with it. _

_The woman tried to soothe him with her calm voice, but Sam found that all he wanted to do was fall back into unconsciousness. He suddenly found himself not really caring what happened from here on out as long as he could go back into that comforting darkness where he couldn't feel anything. _

_He was starting to drift back…_

_Until he heard other voices, male and female voices alike calling out…things like blood pressure and broken arm…and as suddenly as Sam wanted to go back into the world of dreams where he couldn't feel his own pain, he remembered that there were others to think about. _

_Dad and Dean…__**oh god, Dean**__…_

_Hazel eyes snapped open again, and squinted in the too bright light and the woman kneeling beside him sighed in relief as she gave him a warm friendly smile. _

"_It's going to be alright, I promise okay? They're moving your dad and your brother, they're getting a stretcher for you now…" Even as Sam fought to process the words, he found his eyes slipping close again. It was the light…it made his eyes hurt and his head hurt…it wasn't supposed to be bright outside though, it had been dark the last time he'd been officially awake. It had been night when they'd been hit…it made him wonder how long he'd been out. _

_Had to have been awhile…and while he'd been passed out, dead to the world. Passed out…dead…Dean…Dean…! _

_Suddenly, all Sam wanted to know was how his older brother was doing, if he was even still alive. But he couldn't seem to summon up the strength enough to ask the medic kneeling next to him and taking his vital stats how the rest of his family was doing…instead, he found himself slipping in and out of consciousness, something that seemed to worry the female medic next to him as she tried to get him to stay with her._

_I wonder just how bad of a shape __**I'm **__in…Sam managed to briefly wonder as the world seemed to fall away from him once more…_

_When he was awake again, he knew that he hadn't been out of it for very long and he suddenly felt very confined. That, and the fact that he was moving caused him to stir a little more, especially when the movement of whatever it was that was moving beneath him caused him to be so nauseated that Sam thought that he was really going to loose every single one of the meals that he'd eaten within the past forty eight hours, and then some. _

_He heard more words from above him, like severe concussion, heart rate and CO2 levels…_

_And again, struggled to make sense of things…it was noisy and a bit windy as well and Sam felt himself shiver as he tried to figure out what was going on and why he was so confused. Concussion…was it him who had a concussion? If that was the truth, then that would explain the confusion on his part…and why he couldn't remember much at the moment…_

_Except for…_

_Sam whimpered as he remembered bits and pieces, the sound of a semi-truck's horn blaring as it crashed into the Impala…wrecking it. Injuring them all and probably destroying the Impala beyond repair. _

_And somehow with that thought, Sam finally managed to find his voice. _

"_Dad…Dean! Dean!" Sam put all his strength into his brother's name, determined to find out something before he let unconsciousness take him once more._

_It seemed as though no one was listening, and Sam wondered for a minute if he was being heard at all. Deciding to take a chance, he tried to turn his head, and found that even though he was strapped down, he could still move it enough to see what was going on around him. He saw two other stretchers being taken away, one to the same helicopter that he was being led towards and the other one to a completely different one. _

_Sam had the worst feeling come over him as he found that he really wanted to be following that other stretcher. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew that that other stretcher contained his brother…and from the frantic movements of the medics that were surrounding him, it didn't look good. _

_And Sam had to know, he had too…he wouldn't allow the medics to take care of him otherwise, he'd fight them tooth and nail until he found out if his brother was at least still alive. They could tell him that much…right? _

"_Are they even alive?!?" Sam managed to shout out, starting to feel even more panicked…what if he was the only one left? What if he was the only Winchester who'd made it and that in the end, a demon had killed his brother and father through the simple act of taking over a semi-truck drivers body? _

_Sam could still hear the echoes of the crash ringing in his ears, and he closed his eyes tightly once again-this time though to try and shut out the onslaught of sudden memories that threatened to take him all down at once. _

"_Shhh…your father is alright, I'm not sure about your brother at the moment, the last thing I know before they rushed him off to get him to the nearest ER is that he was alive…you're not doing yourself much good by panicking and squirming around so much…you're pretty banged up too." Again, the same unknown female voice from before tried to soothe him, and Sam found that as he listened to it, it was calming. It wasn't as reassuring as having his dad or Dean talking to him, letting him know that they were okay for themselves, but still…at least it proved that someone had listened. _

"_Hurts…" Sam managed to whisper out, and as he slowly opened his eyes and squinted up, he could barely make out the blurry figure of the woman next to him as they finished loading him onto the helicopter. The woman's dark gray eyes softened a bit and she smiled gently at him, reaching out for his hand as she took it and gave it a light squeeze. Again, Sam was taken aback by just how a gesture like that calmed him down even more. _

_He found that there was something about this woman that he could trust…and he wasn't sure why. It was something about those warm gray eyes…he had never thought that the color gray could be so pretty. _

"_I know it hurts Sam…but we're going to take good care of you, I promise…" Promises…promises were meant to be broken, Sam had experienced plenty of that, so he didn't really care to believe the medic just then. It was just another empty promise…and Sam felt his heart clench as he wished more than ever that he was in that other helicopter, that he could be next to Dean and keep his brother here with him in the land of the living…_

_As Sam's eyes slowly shut once more, a part of him wished that he would do more than just dream…that somehow, in someway he could use whatever abilities he had to get through to his brother and keep him going until he could be there for Dean himself…_

_His family had been through too much to quit now…_

~*~*~*~

Dean needed answers…and he needed answers _yesterday_…actually he needed them more like days ago, but as of now he wasn't going to let Bobby even _think_ about eating _anything_ until he told him _everything_ that he needed to know. And a part of Dean firmly believed that Bobby knew most of the secrets-if not all of the secrets that Sam was keeping from him.

Once again, that little voice in the back of Dean's mind whispered to him that a part of this _was_ his fault…for brushing Sam off every time he wanted to talk about something. Maybe one-if not most-of those times _had_ been to tell him what was wrong, instead of wanting to talk about the _one_ thing that Dean _didn't _want to talk about.

It was starting to drive Dean crazy…he'd know how badly he'd screwed up once he talked to Bobby.

"Bobby!" Not wanting to leave Sam for long, and knowing that Sam had the pain medication for his migraines in his duffel bag somewhere, Dean quickly headed downstairs and hoped to talk to their old friend while he was rummaging through Sam's stuff for the migraine medication that they'd had to get him at a local clinic they'd stopped by after the visions had started appearing on a more frequent basis.

As if he knew that he was going to be called for, Bobby appeared by the time Dean had managed to locate Sam's duffel bag and was giving Dean a look that Dean _really_ didn't want to decipher at the moment.

"You want to tell me what's up with my kid brother? Because Sam sure as hell isn't really in the position to be doing so at the moment…" He all but managed to vent out his frustrations as he rummaged around Sam's bag for the meds that he was looking for.

"And what makes you think that _I _know what's wrong with Sam?" Bobby murmured, and Dean just threw him a look that clearly told the older hunter that he _wasn't_ amused.

Bobby only snorted.

"If you weren't being such a damned idjit, you'd know everything that I knew from the moment we left the hospital Dean. _Clearly_ Sam is _not_ okay…and he's got every reason to _not_ be okay considering the fact that he decided to check himself AMA once he found out the condition that you and your daddy were in. Apparently Sam thought that he was the only one capable enough to take care of things until I could get there." Bobby declared softly, and Dean felt his anger deflate the moment Bobby had brought up the fact that Sam had signed himself out AMA.

How _stupid_ was Dean to think that Sam hadn't sustained any injury and that he'd come out just as fine as he had in the end? Dean _knew_ that somehow when he'd been returned to his body that he'd been healed in some weird way too…the doctors at the hospital that they'd been treated at, were calling him a 'miracle.' But Sam hadn't had that 'near death' experience that he had had…and Dean wondered how quickly Sam had signed out AMA.

And as if he were reading his mind, Bobby sighed.

"He was dressed in a pair of scrubs that one of the nurses had loaned him before I'd even gotten there since his clothes had pretty much been trashed from what I'd found out. Not to mention the fact that he'd also figured out which room your daddy was in and that you were being put in ICU. He was working on figuring out where the Impala had been taken too…all by the time I arrived…" Bobby let his voice trail off as he shrugged, remembering how he'd found Sam…

Looking completely lost, like he wasn't quite sure what to do…sitting just outside of John's hospital room, wondering if he should go in or not. Bobby had known that John and Sam hadn't quite gotten along, especially after their last heated argument that made Sam up and leave for Stanford.

So Bobby hadn't quite been too surprised to see Sam looking so torn and indecisive…he'd been even more surprised at how he'd physically looked more than anything else, and had tried his best to convince Sam to sign himself back _into_ the hospital. But Sam had been stubborn, and would have none of it.

Bobby sighed…Sam had said that he'd take care of himself, but after the doctor that had been looking after Dean had arrived and regretfully announced that Dean was in a coma, taking care of _himself_ was the last thing on Sam's mind.

And then everything else had gone to hell when John had done…_something_. Bobby wasn't too one hundred percent of the way sure what it was that his old friend had been up too that fateful day, but he had the feeling that he had been dealing with demons…or maybe just _a_ demon. It was a hunch, but still Bobby knew that John would've done anything to keep Dean here in this world. He'd seen the look on John's face when he'd found out that Dean was in the coma, and the chances of him making it were unknown…sketchy.

As Bobby found himself looking into Dean's eyes, he knew that both boys bore heavy burdens from their father's death…both blaming themselves. But Bobby knew what it was that John had really done…whatever he'd done; he'd somehow managed to keep Dean living. John had known that one brother couldn't live without the other. Sure, Sam felt guilty about their father's death and thought that there was a way that he could've prevented it…but if he had, in the end it would've been Dean who would've been gone, and Sam would be alone with their father.

And while Sam probably denied it, at least at the moment, Bobby knew that that _wouldn't_ be what Sam would've wanted. In fact, Bobby didn't even want to picture Sam trying to live a life without Dean and vice a versa and somehow John had _known_ that.

So while the bastard had never been a _perfect_ father, he knew his sons well enough that he knew that one couldn't live without the other. And somehow Bobby had to get the boys to understand that this was what John _wanted_. It was why he'd done whatever stupid thing he'd done…

But seeing the haunted look that had taken over Dean, Bobby knew that he'd have a tough time selling _that_ explanation to him at the moment.

Instead he tried for a different tactic.

"Look…Sam signed out AMA, so technically I wasn't supposed to find out worth _squat_ about his injuries. But I got lucky when I'd run into the nurse who had helped Sam out before I'd gotten there-apparently she was concerned enough about his health to pull me aside and tell me some things that I wasn't supposed to know. I have a sneaky feeling Sam knows that I know, but I know that he knows that you don't know…so if I tell you do me a favor and don't hold it against him, okay?" Bobby asked, and Dean fought hard to agree…

A part of him still wanted to tear into Sam for keeping a huge secret like this from him. If he'd managed to tell him from the start that he was _not_ okay, then he'd have been able to at least keep a lid on his anger and hold it in until the kid was feeling better.

When Dean finally found Sam's migraine medication, he held it up and smirked in triumph as he palmed it…but the triumph was quickly short lived as he saw another container of prescribed meds in Sam's bag. Snatching that up as well, he checked the date…and cursed out loud. It seemed like he was doing a lot of that lately.

From his position in the living room entryway where Sam had been sleeping on the couch, Bobby Singer let out a sigh as he wondered what was wrong this time. It seemed like the day kept on getting _worse_ instead of _better_…and to top it all off, the chili was starting to get cold too. His stomach growled, reminding him that it was time to eat…but Bobby knew that he wasn't going to get a bowl full of _anything_ until this mess was all taken care of first.

"What is it now Dean?" Bobby asked, suddenly feeling _very_ tired and wishing that John was there. Despite the fact that John could be a stubborn ass and that Bobby didn't always agree with the methods that John had used to raise his kids, he still knew that John was always there for the boys…and they could _really_ use a fatherly figure right now.

_But John's NOT here right now…so you're going to be the one who's going to have to step up to the plate Singer…_coming to this realization, Bobby mentally sighed this time. That lovely wonderful voice in the back of his head was right…there really was no one else to help Sam and Dean out through these times but himself…not after what had happened with everyone else.

For a minute, Bobby felt his throat get tight…Dean and Sam weren't the only one's grieving. Pastor Jim and Caleb had been _really_ good friends and fellow hunters of his too…had been for a long time, he was going to miss them. But right now, he had to focus on the Winchester boys and get them going on the right track. He knew that this was what they all would've wanted had they been there.

"Damn…Bobby, did you know that Sam had meds that he had to take and how long he had to take them for?" Dean asked, coming up to him and handing him the all too familiar orange bottle that most prescribed pills came in.

The older hunter sighed and shook his head, feeling stupid suddenly. He should've checked with Sam himself about such information…but a part of him had doubted that Sam would've let him know. As Dean had said before, the youngest Winchester was pretty good at keeping secrets himself…and for some odd reason; Sam had thought that by keeping his injuries a secret that he was probably keeping the burden of having to take care of him off from Dean.

_It looks like your plan backfired on you Sam my boy…_Bobby thought tiredly as he shook his head, telling Dean that _no_, he _hadn't_ known about them.

Something flared in Dean's eyes suddenly, a look that Bobby couldn't _quite_ place…but before he even allowed Dean to go back upstairs, he had to make sure that Dean wouldn't take out his anger on Sam _first_. Because if Dean wanted to get Sam to open up to him, that _really_ wasn't the way to go.

"Dean…look…if you go up there acting like you are now, do you _really_ think that Sam's going to tell you everything you want to know, huh?" Even as Bobby asked the question, both men knew what the answer was going to be.

And even though that look in Dean's eyes dimmed a little, it was still _there_.

"No…but he should've _said_ something Bobby, he _should've_ told me…I _should've_ listened. This is as much my fault as it is Sam's and damnit Bobby, I'm _sick_ and _tired_ of the world messing with us! Why in the hell can't it just all leave us alone, huh Bobby?!? Why can't it just leave us in peace and let us grieve like normal people? I'm _tired_ of dealing with all this _shit_…for Sam and I just have a little time to our selves without everything going to _hell_?" Dean hadn't meant to vent…hadn't meant for the tears to slip, but fall they did and before he knew it Bobby had wrapped him up in a big hug…letting him cry.

Dean felt stupid…he didn't want to cry, and he _didn't_ want to show these types of emotions…at least not to Bobby Singer. If there was anyone who deserved to see them, it would be Sam.

But Sam was upstairs…not feeling well. And that simple thought managed to get Dean out of whatever emotional funk he'd fallen into, and he pulled away from Bobby as he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand before giving Bobby a small smile.

"Thanks Bobby…but…I think I need to see Sam…" Dean let his voice trail off as his green eyes met with Bobby's and Bobby nodded as he stepped out of the way and let Dean go upstairs to his brother.

Letting out his own shaky sigh, Bobby looked upwards and muttered something underneath his breath before the sounds of a whimpering puppy could be heard and took Bobby into the direction of the kitchen.

It seemed like PJ was hungry and _not_ too happy at having a late dinner…and Bobby couldn't help but agree…


	2. The Kids Aren't Alright pt II

**The Kids Aren't Alright**

**Part II**

**Author: Angel Spirit **

It was quiet upstairs when he got there, and Dean wondered if Sam had fallen asleep…deciding that if Sam _had_ fallen asleep, that he'd let him sleep-since it clearly looked like he needed it.

Maybe because Dean felt guilty…because he knew that he'd let Sam sleep in his bed tonight, and that he'd take the other bed in the guest bedroom so that they could be close-and so that he could keep a good eye on his brother.

Dean wasn't sure why, but he had the feeling that he _needed_ to keep a much closer eye on Sam…at least, for awhile. Until they were over this hurtle and Sam was back on his feet. A part of Dean was actually _glad_ that Sam had gotten this migraine of his-and Dean smirked to himself as he had the feeling that somehow, in someway Sam's migraine would help bring bits of their broken brotherly bond back together. They had time now, Dean realized…and now it all depended on how they _used_ that time. Sam wanted to use that time to grieve and to figure out a way to reconnect after everything that had happened…and Dean knew that he secretly wanted the same thing.

He knew he'd miss his old man…and he knew that Sam was more than missing him too. And while Dean wanted to argue that it _wasn't fair_ that Sam was allowed to grieve for dad too since he'd ran out on them for a good three and a half years, another part of Dean-a much _stronger_ part of him…_knew_ that John had been Sam's dad too. And that Sam was allowed to grieve as much as he had…that in fact, Sam probably had more weight on his shoulders with dad's death because not only had he _really_ seen John fall, but he'd also been the last one to talk to him.

Sam had never really told Dean what the last words John had said to him were, so that left Dean to play a guessing game. But Dean had the feeling that he knew that it wasn't 'I love you…' or anything of the sorts.

Dean sighed…this really was nothing but one big mess he'd admit that now…

And he didn't know how to _fix _it. Their father might not have been there for them all the time, but without him it was like they were falling apart at the seams.

Pulling up a spare chair that was always kept in their bedroom (because Dean couldn't count on all of his fingers the number of times that they'd been at Bobby's with one or both of them being sick or injured in some way or other) Dean reached out and gently grabbed hold of Sam's wrist, letting him know that he _was_ there.

"Sam, when you wake up and feel better dude we're _so_ going to talk…I can't believe that I let this all get so screwed up and out of hand. I get that you think I'm pissed at you…and I _am_…a little bit. But I'm angrier at dad and the way he left us Sammy, I mean, he just _left_ us. It's not like he's going to randomly appear again after we call and leave some voicemail on his cell phone. And I think that I'm pissed at you because somehow in some way you were right about dad…he only cared about the hunt, he never cared about his family. If he had he wouldn't have just upped and left us like he did, he would've found a way to _fight_ and stay _with_ us…that's what kills me Sam, is that I have a feeling deep down that what happened in that hospital room _wasn't_ supposed to happen. But it's just you and me now kid and I've already screwed things up. I promised dad that I'd take care of you and look after you and now look at what happens…" Dean sighed and ran a hand over his face.

He was a lot better at this confessional stuff when Sam was asleep then when he was awake; even though he knew that Sam would much rather prefer hearing them _awake_.

And Sam _would_ hear it when he was awake…just…not this version. Unless if Sam was playing a trick on him and doing that whole 'pretend sleeping' crap that he used too do when he was younger so that he could figure out what it was Dean and their dad were hunting when they wouldn't tell him because it would be 'too dangerous'…or to get some kind of confession like this out of Dean for one of those 'chick flick' moments that Dean was never fond of.

Dean snorted as he allowed himself to sit back a little. Too dangerous…everything they were into right now was 'too dangerous'.

Sam mumbled something in his sleep and Dean watched with careful eyes as he saw the younger man flinch and Dean sighed as he reached over and gently brushed back some of Sam's hair that had fallen into his eyes…freezing as he did so.

"Son of a bitch," Dean murmured, pressing his cool hand against Sam's suddenly too warm forehead as he tried to figure out just how high of a fever his younger brother was going to get.

It was _just_ starting…and Sam with a cold _now_ wasn't going to help him much. Especially if Sam got a fever…Sam was never very fun to take care of when he had a fever and Dean knew that even _Bobby_ would admit that.

Sam tended to get a bit on the delirious side and have some pretty wild dreams. Bobby had implied that he hadn't thought that Sam wasn't sleeping well, and from the dark circles under his younger brother's eyes, Dean had the feeling that Bobby was correct. Dean wondered of the kind of nightmares were keeping Sam up at night, and he wished he knew now.

They needed to get a grip on this…_now_.

He'd left the first aid kit in the kitchen downstairs, since he hadn't thought that they'd need it since they were 'lying low' for the next several weeks while Dean rebuilt the Impala.

The thermometer that Dean needed would be in there…he knew that Bobby would probably have one up here in the bathroom, but the one in their kit was the nice simple kind where Dean just stuck it in Sam's ear and called it golden. Dean had figured out long ago when Sammy was just a kid, that that was the easiest way to take his temp and not hear Sam having to complain or fuss and tell Dean that he _didn't_ have a fever and that he was just _fine_. Usually Dean would do it when he was asleep, or just on the brink of so there wouldn't be any argument.

Even though it looked like Sam was getting a bit restless on him, Dean ran a hand through Sam's hair-giving him a soft look that he knew Sam hadn't seen in awhile.

"Hang on Sammy; I'll be right back okay?" Getting up, Dean knew that he was in for a rough night…and heading downstairs he made a list of the stuff to bring up…

One of those things being a bowl of that chili that Bobby had said was for dinner…

~*~*~*~

Sam felt…_horrible_.

It was the kind of 'I know I'm getting a horrible cold and can't do anything about it' kind of horrible, and _worse_. The room felt too _hot_…his whole body felt stiff and his muscles felt sore and he winced as he tried to move onto his other side so that he could feel the cooler side of the pillow. Why was it that pillow cases always had to get so _hot_…?

His throat was feeling like it was on fire, and Sam knew that his injuries were starting to play up a bit…his ribs were _killing_ him and he felt a bit on the congested side. He winced…if he was getting some kind of chest cold, even _he_ knew that he'd be in for a rough time of it…and that would _suck_. Healing ribs with coughing fits did _not_ go well together.

Maybe he should tell Dean or Bobby that he wasn't feeling up to par. He knew that it meant that they'd be keeping an extra close watch on him because of it, but at this point in time Sam was _tired_. He was tired of a lot of things…and right now he was too tired to take care of himself, he _knew_ that.

He got that now…somehow, somewhere along the way things had gotten really messed up…and _he_ was the one paying the price.

_I should've told Dean about checking out AMA…_Sam thought, trying to bury his head into the pillow again as spikes of pain tore through his mind and he wondered when it was all going to stop.

He just wanted it to _stop_. He fought a sob as he clung onto the pillow for dear life, trying to take a breath without choking on it…

And suddenly felt a little calmer at doing so.

Maybe it was because the pillow _smelled_ like Dean, and Sam wondered why.

Dean…Sam had come close to loosing Dean…he closed his eyes tightly as though he could shut out the images that were flashing at him again as he wondered what in the hell it was that he'd done to deserve this.

"_**He's flat lining…!"**__ All Sam could do was stand shell shocked as he watched helplessly from the doorway as they tried to resuscitate Dean…bring him back to life. _

_He couldn't help but blink back the tears that threatened to fall as he fought down the nausea and the sudden urge to be close to his brother. But he knew that he needed to give the medics some room to work…some space…it was still hard though. It was like his over protectiveness of Dean was starting to kick in now, like it usually did on the rare occurrence whenever Dean got sick or injured._

_As much as Sam didn't want to admit it, he actually liked those times where Dean was sick or injured…it gave Sam an opportunity to look after Dean, something that he normally wasn't allowed to do. It gave him a chance to give back to Dean, since Dean was usually the one looking after him and taking care of him. Most times, Sam didn't mind taking care of his older brother._

_He just felt so lost, leaning up heavily against the doorway as though his weight could no longer support himself when he heard all the commotion going on in Dean's room._

_It was as though his whole world was falling apart, and there was no one there to catch him…not even dad, at least, not right now. The last thing he knew, his father was still pretty out of it and high on the pain meds that they had for his arm._

_John Winchester didn't even know that his oldest son was dying…and there was no way in hell that he was going to leave Dean now just to tell his dad that his oldest son-who he hadn't even seen for a good year now-was dying. Their father hadn't come when Sam had called him after Dean had gotten electrocuted and had been told that he only had a few months, if that to live._

_No way…if there was anyone Dean needed now, it was Sam himself. _

"_Come on Dean…come on…don't you dare leave me, don't you dare!" It was like a command muttered under his breath, and Sam found himself muttering it several times. _

_When a heartbeat finally came several seconds later, though it felt like an eternity and Sam heard that it was all good, he saw the room spin around him and he nearly collapsed in relief then and there._

"_Hey…hey…you okay there Sam?" Sam had to blink for a minute to clear the tears that had fallen, and he saw the pretty nurse…what was her name…Amy? Who had helped him with his discharge papers earlier…she gave him a gentle smile and helped guide him over to where a chair was so he could sit down before he fell down, though right now that really wasn't the place he wanted to be. He wanted to be by Dean's side…now._

"_That must've been pretty scary to see, huh? You weren't kidding when you said that you weren't going far from the hospital…is that…family in there?" Amy asked, trying her best to be consoling, but Sam could only swallow hard and nod as he tried to get his bearings._

_His brother almost died…he'd almost lost Dean…that wasn't right. Dean was strong; he was always on the top of his game and the best at everything. He couldn't loose Dean like this…he wouldn't loose Dean like this. _

_Knowing that Amy was looking for some kind of response, Sam swallowed again and tried to get the right words out so that he wouldn't sound like the blubbering idiot that he felt he was._

_**Dean had almost died…! HAD died…right in front of his eyes, and he'd been helpless to do anything.**_

"_My…my brother, Dean…I…I just lost him and got him back…I…I can't loose him Amy, I can't…" Before Sam knew what was happening, Amy had her arms wrapped around him and he found himself crying weakly on her shoulder. Suddenly, Sam felt much older than his 23 years._

_He wished that Bobby was there now…but Bobby had gone to check out the details on the Impala after having finally found out where they'd towed it too. Sam had offered to go with him, but Bobby had refused, saying that he'd had enough on his plate right now, and that it was best that he stay here with his brother and his father. Sam had all too quickly agreed…he hoped that the Impala would be salvageable. Suddenly, Sam felt the need to call Bobby…there was no 'would be'. The Impala was salvageable, if there was one working part left in her, Sam was determined to get her fixed up one way or another. And there was one thing that Sam was certain about…that it would be Dean doing all the fixing. _

_No ifs, ands or buts about it._

_Sam took Amy's comfort for awhile before he gently pushed away and rubbed at his eyes, giving her a sheepish look. She was pretty…and he could practically hear Dean's voice in his mind, cheering him on. And he knew that when Dean found out that he passed a cute nurse like Amy up for his family he'd never hear the end of it. But Sam also knew that Dean would understand at the same time…because he knew that Dean would do the same thing for him if he'd been in Dean's position. _

"_Thanks Amy…I think I needed a shoulder to cry on…but listen…I've got a phone call I have to make really quickly to our Uncle, is there a phone really close by that I can use?" Sam asked quietly, and sighed in relief when Amy nodded and stood, and Sam stood with her, wavering on his feet for a minute-not missing the look of concern that Amy gave him as he quickly gained his bearings and shoved aside any thoughts of his own aches and pains._

_Right now it was Dean who needed him…and he knew that Dean would kill him if he let anything happen to the Impala. _

_He nodded at Amy to lead the way and she did so, glancing behind her every now and then to make sure that Sam was keeping up okay. Sam was…and was really glad that she led him to a phone at the nurse's desk at the end of the hall. After quickly explaining Sam's situation to the nurse manning the desk, the nurse allowed Sam to use the phone and Sam assured her that it would only be a few minutes…_

Sam groaned into his pillow as he came back to the present. He really _had_ only been a few minutes on the phone, but he'd scared both nurses in the process of almost yelling at Bobby that the Impala _could_ be fixed, damned anything else. After several moments of bickering back and forth over the phone, Sam had gotten Bobby to finally agree to have the Impala towed to his junk yard and they'd want to see if it could be fixed.

And now it _was_ being fixed…and Sam wasn't sorry to having yelled at Bobby about it not at all. Because right now; his brother was _alive_…and he _was_ being the one to fix the Impala…not some mechanic. So Sam had been right on both accounts…

Suddenly, Sam had a need to see his brother. He knew that while Dean _said_ that he was _fine_ with everything going on, Sam knew that he _wasn't_ fine. And Sam would be _damned_ if his brother had come back to him just so that he could loose him again. Dean hadn't known what it was like to watch a brother die and then come back to life…he didn't know what it _felt_ like.

He knew that Dean wanted some space from him, but Sam _didn't_ want the space…he'd had enough space at the hospital, and he was determined to get that through Dean's thick skull…headache or no headache. He made to stand, but the moment he lifted himself off the bed, the world seemed to spin around him, and Sam groaned as his body all but forced himself to lie back down.

Why was it that everything was against him suddenly? Sam closed his eyes at the sudden onslaught of nausea, as he fought to keep down his breakfast that he'd managed to eat that morning knowing that Dean probably wouldn't be too happy if he came in and had to clean up _that_ kind of mess. Because _that_ kind of mess was never fun to clean up, as both of them had had clean up duty like that on a few rare occasions.

Nope…not a good way to get back into Dean's good graces…so Sam tried to quiet the headache that raged behind his eyes and still his quivering stomach before Dean got back…

~*~*~*~

"Sam okay?" The moment Bobby asked, he knew the answer. So when Dean gave a slight shake of his head as he collected what he'd come down to get, Bobby sighed and ran a hand over his face.

"You know Dean, I have a friend in town who works at the local clinic…he owes me a few favors, if you want I can give him a ring and have him come up and take a look at Sam." Dean paused at Bobby's offer, wondering if he should take him up on it.

And while a part of him knew that it was probably more than a good idea to get Sam looked at, he also knew that Sam was probably sick of doctors and strangers taking care of them and was more than ready for his older brother to do his _job_.

_Something you haven't been doing lately…_again, that little annoying voice in the back of his mind that was more than correct and Dean wanted to smack it away and pretend that it wasn't there.

Because every time he listened to it now, it was starting to sound like their dad. Like their dad was accusing him of not taking care of Sam like he'd asked him too.

But that was craziness on his part. No…Dean would take care of Sam _now_…and from here on out he wouldn't fail on his job again, no matter how angry or upset he would get.

Bobby had to understand this…he _had _too. Dean was tired of strangers in their lives…for at least a little while, _he_ wanted to be the one taking care of Sam…and maybe once Sam was back on his feet and being the annoying little brother that he was, they could take care of each other. Because that's what they _should've_ been doing all along.

It only took Sam to fall for Dean to see what Sam had been trying to tell him all along.

"Give me a couple of nights Bobby, please? If Sam doesn't shake this, I'll let you call your friend okay? But I think right now, I'm all that Sam needs." Even though Dean didn't speak the rest of his words out loud, Bobby clearly knew what it was that Dean was trying to say and nodded back in understanding.

_And I need Sam too…_

Dean fought not to get choked up as he grabbed the first aid kit.

A soft woof caught his attention, and Dean registered the fact that PJ was looking up at him with sad looking eyes from the pen that Bobby usually kept him in when someone couldn't keep an eye on him.

PJ…

A small smile crept up on Dean's face as he realized the meaning behind the name and he snorted softly. Only Bobby would do such a thing…he wondered what Pastor Jim would think of, having a dog named after him.

But Dean would be damned if PJ wasn't looking up at him with soulful knowing eyes.

Without even knowing what he was doing, Dean bent over low enough so that he could give the puppy a quick rub down, feeling like he needed to give the pup a moments worth of attention.

"Sam's been really good with him, you know." Bobby's quiet voice came from behind him, but Dean had sensed him coming up.

Dean wasn't surprised that Sam had taken a liking to the puppy and vice a versa. When they'd been younger, Sam had always wanted a dog…but their way of life, their way of living hadn't allowed them the pleasure of having one. There had been times too, when Dean would admit that he didn't think that having a hunting dog on their side would've been such a bad thing.

But money had been tight on more than one occasion and they could hardly afford to buy food for themselves-much less a dog. Still though, Dean couldn't blame Sam when they were younger, whenever he'd want to stop and pet a stray or someone's pet dog that happened to be walking by them.

Sam was an animal lover at heart like that…it was one of the many innocent things about Sam that Dean had come to love without knowing it.

So innocent…Sam really _was_ the innocent one in all of this. If things had turned out differently, Sam could've had a completely different life…

But Dean wouldn't let anything slip by him again. No…not this time…dad was gone now, and Sammy was his to protect. Sammy had _always_ been his to protect, and he wasn't about ready to slack off again.

Even if it meant spending a long couple of nights now, trying to get Sam's fever down. He wasn't stupid…if he needed help; he'd admit it and go to Bobby.

But right now, he had a job to do. It wasn't a hunt, but taking care of Sammy was the next best thing. At least, for now it was.

Giving PJ a final, quick pat on the head, Dean nodded at Bobby as he headed up the stairs with the first aid kit.

Dinner could wait…Sammy couldn't…

~*~*~*~

It had been a _really_ long couple of weeks.

The Impala remained untouched, the rain currently washing the dust off of it as it gently hit the ground from the storm that had just finished up…a downpour now being reduced to nothing but a slow drizzle.

And like the rain, Sam was _finally_ on the mend.

The first few nights had been nothing but sheer hell…and Dean had finally given in once Sam's fever had spiked to 103 and had Bobby call his friend who worked at the local clinic.

Dr. Sawyer hadn't _quite_ been what Dean had been the man that Dean had been expecting. He was from down south and had a gentle tone and manner that somehow eased Dean and give him far more trust then he usually did with most people. Of course, it had also helped that he and Bobby had greeted each other like they'd known each other for ages.

The fact that Bobby was willing to trust him, made _Dean_ want to trust him…and in the case of Sam, Dean _had_ to trust him.

Dr. Sawyer had said that they'd gotten lucky and that if they'd called him to help out any later…

Dean didn't want to think about it. He _really_ didn't want to think about it. He'd lost one family member; he'd be damned to hell if he'd loose another.

If he lost Sam, he wouldn't hesitate to follow him because within the past couple of weeks, Dean had realized that he _needed_ Sam. Just like Sam had needed him…

Dean got that now, he really did. And when Sam was more coherent, they'd talk. Maybe Dean would even let Sam help out with the Impala for awhile; show him a few things with the car. When Sam had been much, much younger he'd always taken an interest in the car whenever Dean had started to tinker it and fix it when it needed to be fixed.

Although thinking on it now, Dean realized that Sam had probably used it as a chance to get to spend more time with Dean when they _weren't_ hunting something fugly.

Sam was sleeping now…as he had been for the past several days on and off. Sometimes he'd wake up and Dean would hope that he would be awake enough to talk but then his eyes would take on that glassy fever effect and Dean would know that Sam was only partially with him.

The doctor had had rewrapped Sam's ribs and checked his other injuries. He'd also put in an IV to keep Sam hydrated…he'd suggested taking him to the hospital but when Dean had flat out refused, Bobby had had to tell his friend what had happened to the boys. Quietly pulling him into another room so that Dean wouldn't have to hear it…because as much as he tried to forget it, everything was still fresh in his mind as though it had all happened yesterday.

Movement caught his eye and Dean sighed as he brushed a hand through his hair and grimaced. He'd need to shower today, before Bobby decided to remind him-again.

That one reminder had been embarrassing enough.

"Come on Sammy, time to wake up now…PJ's starting to wonder when you're going to let him get into mischief again and _I'm_ starting to wonder when we'll get a chance to…well, to have that talk that you wanted…because I for one personally think that that talk is long overdue Sammy." Dean murmured, trying to coax Sam awake.

Eyes fluttered open and Dean leaned forward as he wondered if this time Sam really _was_ awake, and not just in a fever induced daze…

~*~*~*~

"_Come on Sammy, time to wake up now..." _Wake up? He'd been sleeping…?

Funny…sleep hadn't felt all that great. He'd gone from hot to cold, and back to hot again…he'd heard voices, had nightmares and had felt something _sharp_ get inserted into his hand.

It had to have been a needle, and Sam _hated_ needles. If Dean was really watching out for him, why in the hell did he feel the poke of a needle? Everything felt muddled…and Sam felt like he was only partially _there_.

Maybe because he _was_ only partially there…but he had heard Dean's voice; _really_ heard it. And it made him feel protected…so things couldn't be all _that_ bad. Dean sounded worried, but not that frantic worried like he sounded if one of them got injured or sick on a hunt.

As his mind slowly came back to him, Sam remembered that they were at Bobby's…it also remembered a lot of other stuff that he didn't _want_ to remember. It was too painful to remember.

Flashbacks of dad dying…of hot coffee scalding his knee when he'd dropped it to get to his fallen father…the look on Dean's face as he realized that his hero, the one man he'd looked up to all his life was _dying_.

It wasn't fair…none of it was.

And now Dean had to take care of _him_ because he couldn't take care of himself…

Sam sighed, falling back into the folds of sleep-despite the fact that Dean's voice kept on insisting that it was time to wake up. He didn't _want_ to wake up…because when he was asleep, he could hide in the darkness.

The darkness was comforting; _peaceful_…nothing bad happened here.

_Besides, Dean doesn't want me anyway…the past few weeks have proven that…_the forbidden thought came out of nowhere, and while Sam contemplated the truth of it, he realized that he didn't _mind_ anymore that Dean didn't seem to need him. At least not here…here nothing hurt, there was no pain.

But something happened to change all of that.

Another dream…but this time, this one wasn't a nightmare…not like all the other dreams he'd been having lately…all the horrible, terrible dreams. Of demons and monsters that they'd fought in the past…sometimes in the dreams they'd loose to those monsters and demons and Sam would have to watch dad dying all over again-sometimes Dean would die with him.

Sometimes it would be of Jess, haunting him…even though they'd taken that extra step to make sure that she wouldn't be able to come back, but that didn't stop her from coming to him in his dreams.

Because Dean had known that he wouldn't have been able to stand seeing her actual ghost…hearing her accuse him of failing her like he seemed to fail everyone else.

"You're anything but a failure." The words came so suddenly that it caused Sam to stop and think for a minute. _He_ hadn't been the one to speak them, and he knew that _Dean_ hadn't spoken them either.

But he still knew that voice…from somewhere…

"It's time to go back now Sammy, you can't stay here. Your brother needs you, and you need your brother…why else do you think that I did what I did?" The air shimmered around him, and Sam found himself standing at a lake…on a dock…squinting into an autumn sunlight.

It really was the picture of serenity, Sam decided. All around the lake, the trees were changing color, and the sky was a gorgeous blue…the sun not too warm or too hot…

A pleasant day…and for once, Sam felt at _peace_. He hadn't had this feeling in awhile…

Now, if only the owner of the voice standing behind him would just leave him be.

But there was no way that John Winchester was about to do that. He hadn't made a deal with a demon and given up his life for one of his son's to give up…no…it was _not_ the way that things were meant to be, despite what John knew his boys had probably led themselves to believe.

Bobby was right-and he hoped that after this, they'd learn to listen to a man that he knew both Sam and Dean would look to for a fatherly figure since he wouldn't be able to be there for them anymore.

He didn't have much time…but John _knew_ that he had to get through to Sam. Had to convince him to continue fighting despite the fact that he and Dean believed that everything was against them…and maybe for right now it _was_ that way. But his sons would fight back…and John knew this because they were Winchesters-and Winchesters never gave up.

So he'd be damned if he'd let Sam give up _now_.

"Sam, listen to me. I did what I did for a reason and I think both you and your brother know what that reason is. I _knew_ that you couldn't survive without each other, and despite everything that's happened your bond as brothers is stronger than you both will ever be able to imagine. And I'm so proud of _both_ of you…despite what you led yourself to believe Sammy, I've _always_ been proud to have you for a son. I just didn't want to let you _go_ when you wanted to _go_ Sam, you have to understand that. And now it's almost like our roles have reversed huh? You don't want to let me go even though I'm gone…but you _have_ to Sam, you and your brother _both_. You both have to let me go, do you hear me?" Even as Sam turned to face his father, to face his words, he sighed.

He tried to find the right words, but he wasn't sure if there _were_ any words that could be said right now…

Here he was facing the one man who he had so much to say too…and yet he couldn't find the words.

But even though he couldn't find the words, John seemed to understand everything as he looked into his youngest son's eyes for what he knew would probably be the final time and he nodded. It was all right there-everything that Sam wanted to say, but _couldn't_.

It was really up to Dean to protect Sam now…and for Sam to protect Dean, because heaven only knew that Dean needed someone on his side. And Sam was it…whether Dean wanted to accept it or not, Sam would _always_ be it.

"I love you Sam, you and your brother both and tell Dean to never, _ever_ forget that no matter how pissed he is right now. His anger is more towards me than it is you right now…but he _needs_ you boy. So you turn around and go right back to where you belong, understand?" At John's command, Sam gave a jerky nod...seeing things starting to fade around him.

He knew now that he had to go back…he knew that he couldn't leave Dean.

But he still reached out a hand towards his father, and when he saw that look in John's eyes his own heart nearly broke.

"I wish I could be there for the final battle Sam…but know that I'm always watching out for you-you and Dean _both_." With those departing word and one last regretful look, John Winchester vanished from that perfect autumn day…and as that perfect autumn day vanished around him, Sam heard Dean pleading for him to wake up once more…and Sam sighed.

Despite not really wanting too, it was time to face the world of reality once more…

Opening his eyes was the first mistake. Groaning was the second…because it caused Dean to become that much more aware of the fact that this time, he _was_ awake.

And Dean wasn't going to let him fall back asleep anytime soon until he _knew_ that his younger brother was fully coherent and back in the land of the living.

It had been too touch and go there for awhile, and Dr. Sawyer had had to stop by once again to check on Sam…saying that Sam was slowly but surely recovering.

"Ouch." It was the first word that Sam had spoken in a couple of weeks, but to Dean it was the most glorious word on earth.

"Crap Sam…Sammy, don't you _ever_ do this again…you do this again to me and I _swear_…" Dean only shook his head as he reached out and grabbed his brother's hand, squeezing it like it was a lifeline.

Sam for his part was shocked that he wasn't in a hospital…and that he was still lying in Dean's bed in the guestroom.

He wondered how long he'd been there for, and when his questioning hazel eyes turned to him, Dean only shrugged in response to the unspoken question.

"About a couple of weeks, give or take…you gave me a good scare Sammy." Dean murmured, and Sam felt his eyebrows rise up.

A couple of _weeks_…?!?

"That nasty bug that you'd gotten combined with your injuries dragged you down Sam…you needed that downtime you hadn't been giving yourself." It was a light scolding, and Sam knew that he'd probably hear more of it from Dean later on when he was feeling better. He was surprised that he hadn't gotten the 'what in the hell were you thinking' speech yet.

But Sam hadn't missed the fact that Dean was starting to call him Sammy…and it felt _good_. Felt _right_…

Maybe things were finally starting to get back on track…_maybe_.

"I…I saw dad." Sam couldn't help it…he knew he _shouldn't_, but he also knew that Dean would probably want to know that he saw their dad in his dreams…more specifically that _one_ dream.

He knew that their dad would want him to tell Dean, despite how uncomfortable it was for it to be brought up.

Instantly, Dean seemed to freeze and all time seemed to stop. But Sam licked his dry lips-wishing for water-and continued, feeling slightly weary and worn out.

"Look…it…it wasn't anything bad. He just…he just said that he loved us…and that he had given up his life so that we both could remain in this _together_. Dean it was so surreal…but it was like he knew stuff we didn't. It was like he knew that we couldn't survive without each other. And I _get_ that now…I think I've always gotten it. But I don't think you have." Sam said it so quietly that Dean had to strain to hear him despite the fact that it was just the two of them in the room.

Bobby had taken PJ out to do some training exercises with him when Dean had said that he thought that Sam was showing signs of waking up. Bobby had somehow known that the two brothers would want time to talk, and had taken off…using PJ as a good enough excuse. Besides, the puppy was full of energy these days…Dean had experienced _that_ first hand a couple of times.

He for one definitely wouldn't mind Sam taking over the job of looking after the pup once he was back on his feet.

It hadn't helped that Sam's voice sounded like it hadn't been used in several days either, and Dean quietly offered him the glass of water sitting on the table beside them.

"Slow sips, Sammy…" Dean warned and Sam gave him that _look_ that said he _knew_…and Dean fought one of his rare smiles that threatened to appear. Smiles that lately these days, were reserved mostly for Sam…and maybe for a cute waitress every now and then.

"Look Sam…I know I haven't been the best brother lately-" As Sam opened his mouth, Dean raised a hand, cutting him off from whatever it was he was going to say as he shook his head at his younger brother. He'd been waiting for days to get this off his chest now, and he wasn't about to let it go on any longer.

"Things might not be the way you want them to be for awhile Sam…everything that's happened with dad…it's just…a lot to take in, you know? I'm sorry if I've given you the cold shoulder, I'm sorry if I made you feel like you were unwanted…it wasn't my intention. It's just…dad seriously pissed me off this time and I can't _yell_ at him or anything like that-it's like the one person who's to blame for all of this isn't _here_ anymore and that hurts you know?" Sam nodded at Dean's question, wondering just how much pent up emotions Dean was trying to get off his chest.

It was nowhere near perfect…but at least Dean was _trying_…and Sam knew that much now.

"You're my brother Sam, and right now you're probably the most important thing in my life, I want you to _know_ this. But I also want you to know that I need some _time_ Sammy. I have to get over this in my own way and you've got to understand this. I've never been the emotional person that you are Sam, it's harder for me. But I _can_ promise you one thing…and that's after we get you back on your feet, that I'll _try_ a little harder to be there for you okay Sam? Just like you've always been there for me..." And that was that. The one chick flick moment that Dean had allowed to have happen, and while Sam got exactly what Dean was saying, he knew that within time things would hopefully be _okay_.

It might not be perfect, like Dean said…but it seemed like they were really, finally on the mend-both physically _and_ emotionally.

"I'm sorry I tried to push you." Sam finally murmured, feeling sleepy again and not _wanting_ to sleep. But he still felt so tired…

He knew signing AMA out of the hospital hadn't been one of his more brilliant ideas…but he'd also known that he had to be there for their dad and for Dean himself. Now though…_now_…it felt like he could finally get some _rest_, because finally someone was there to take care of _him_.

Sam could tackle everything else later.

"Get some sleep Sammy…I'm not going anywhere." Even as Sam's eyes slowly drifted shut, he felt Dean grasp his hand once more and Sam couldn't help but lightly squeeze back.

A silent 'I'm here'…

Because right now, there was nowhere else that Sam really wanted to be.

Maybe things would really be alright after all…it would just take a little time…

~*End*~


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